yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
