singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
honey bunches of taint.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
