i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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