I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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