if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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