they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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