This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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