Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
pray to the hookup gods
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
