What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
