he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
