the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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