Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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