Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
