Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
