why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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