I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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