i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
