I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
