im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
