why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
