they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
