definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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