I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
