So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
