he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
