roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So vagazzling was a success
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
