I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
