CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
