the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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