...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
