dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
