you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
