My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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