Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
