so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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