I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
