I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
