I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
