I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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