Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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