I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
