Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
