I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
