watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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