Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
