I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
