Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So squirting runs in the family.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
