Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
