I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
