So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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